At the start of 2019, I decided that this year my word would be “better”. I wanted to dedicate this year to improve on things I had slacked on in years prior. I was so excited to set new goals and see what a fresh start had to offer.
For the past month, I had this over-arching feeling that I just wasn’t good enough. I felt somber, like no matter what I did I would still feel inadequate in certain aspects of my life. I’ve been chasing improvement, but have yet to see the results I was hoping for. I started to think “am I being impatient or am I just not good enough?“
As the month went on, the negative thoughts became more prominent in my mind. They happened more often and became harder to shake. I started believing the idea that I just wasn’t good enough in a few different areas of my life.
And then at the gym, I started thinking… is using the word “better” actually diminishing all the growth I had made in 2018? Was the word “better” doing more harm than good? Was I forgetting to acknowledge how far I had come?
I tossed that narrative around in my head for a bit, trying to blame something for how negative my mind had become. And then it hit me. I am good enough, but I still need to improve.
I realized that I was feeling inadequate on my own journey because I wasn’t accepting the fact that I am good enough and I do have so much to offer. I got caught in the vicious cycle of self-comparison and self-doubt.
I’ve always been a very goal-oriented person, so I had a hard time understanding that there is no set outcome in my life that will make me exponentially more happy than another. I desperately needed to understand that self-improvement is accepting who you are, what you have to offer, and investing in becoming the best version of yourself over time.
To whoever might be reading this right now, or just to my future self: you are good enough. You are capable, strong, smart, and independent. Your life has value and purpose, just as it does right now. Keep searching for ways to improve your life and to figure out who you are. Sometimes it isn’t easy or perfect, but over time it gets better.